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Mike & Harky's Milky Crusade
1 Mike & Harky thumbnail
Information
Airdate September 30, 2018
Length 32:05

Not an official canon episode of The Rosen Family Chronicles (technically part of Nintendom64's canon, 'Happenings in the Poopiverse') but rather a large collaboration video hosted by Nintendom64 done Chinese Whispers/Phone Game style and a direct sequel to the similarly formatted King & Mick's Bready Adventure, involving the help of not only 256Pi but also Mighteyes (who co-hosted again), Aeromelon, aGuyThatLovesPooping, ChocolateClick, DizzyingKaleidoscope, DrHotelMario, FlameFireBlast, GlitchyS, ItsaMeRBY, Jimmy Davis, Lulu Luvscats, Meleemario720, NPCarlsson, NubungiO, PizzaPieOverlord, and Rad Stink (that's a lot of people geez). Watch it here.

Plot Edit

Broken down by section according to author.

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Nintendom64 (Part 1) Edit

The story begins at Lidl Didl once again, at 11:51 PM, when The King pulls into the store with his goblet car thing. Michael is dozing off behind the checkout counter, and The King comes in to wake him up as he wants to buy some milk for his tea. Gwonam happens to be with him and questions why he was dragged along for this errand, but The King has a guard take him away. The King buys the milk and drives off while Michael is just about to return to dozing, but he then remembers the label on the bottle has the expiration date of 23 Sustember, only a couple of minutes away. Michael then rushes off in the Plummobile to stop The King from using the milk. Meanwhile at Ludwig's Castle Hotel Hyrule Castle, The King jumps up to hit a block near his ceiling to get his tea kettle, and Michael makes it in just at 11:59 to warn him that the milk's about to go off. The King questions why this matters and Michael points out that of course The King had to get the Grenadendale Exploding Milk(TM) brand. Just then the clock strikes midnight and the milk bottle starts flashing. To avoid the explosion, Michael and The King rush into the fridge Indiana Jones-style, and through a bunch of other things hitting them afterwards they get sent flying way out into space. A UFO smacks into them, owned by Tarka Daal, an ambassador of the great Vindaloovian Empire. Appalled by the sight of humans, he sounds an alarm which alerts a bunch of other UFOs and a group of Vindaloovian guards, who Tarka orders to "exterminate them all!"

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Mighteyes (Part 2) Edit

The King's idea to get out of this little fiasco is to inflate himself to a massive size and pop the UFO (aka the "Inflata-King!" move). He deflates and sends the two of them floating further out into space, and they land on a planet-sized milk jug. Another UFO shows up to give them a Glutko which pokes a straw through the surface and starts drinking all the milk inside. The King then summons three Dinner Cannons which blasts hamburgers at the milk jug planet. They succeed in getting rid of the Glutko but end up getting blown backwards as well and falling towards another planet.

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DrHotelMario (Part 3) Edit

Mike and Harky land on the planet's surface, directly onto two spear-like rocks, and as a screenshot from the Google Doc of the collab rules shows up we see that they've been killed off. For a few seconds at least, as a robot hand shows up and drags their bodies into a cave. Michael and The King wake up in that cave, realizing that both have been turned into cyborgs with metallic faces and hands. The robot, Robaku (who looks like Johnny 5 from Short Circuit), has reanimated them and demands they they will now be his robot waifus for all eternity. The King says no, and Robaku starts autistic screeching very loudly.

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256Pi (Part 4) Edit

Robaku's screaming freaks Michael and The King out and they run away. The King conveniently has a rocket booster installed in his arse so they end up flying off that way. Robaku chases after them for a bit but gets hit by a rock and knocked away momentarily. Eventually the two of them land in Alien(c) Train Station, and Michael says they need to find a way to get the cyborg parts off of them. The King notices a button on Michael's shoulder and presses it, turning Michael into a train with his head plastered on the front Thomas The Tank Engine-style. Michael pulls out of the station and runs into an Xenomorph who likes trains. Another train comes in and crashes Michael into a million pieces, which somehow turns him back into his normal self and lands him a few feet from The King. Michael then looks if the same button is somewhere on The King and if he can get him out of the area, but can't find one. Michael then gets an idea, but there's a cutaway of Miles Edgeworth sending Gumshoe, a cop, out. The King now has his robot parts removed but still has the rocket booster in his arse. Robaku then catches up with the two and says he has not sufficiently buttraped them.

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ItsaMeRBY (Part 5) Edit

Robaku then changes his mind about raping them and just decides to kill them instead. A gun comes out of his body, The King and Mick run away and The King is shot in the chest. They barely make it out of the area, with The King passing out from the wound and dreaming of cereal. Michael then thinks this would be a good time to remove the rocket booster from The King's arse, which appears to be gas-powered. *rimshot* Some other evil-looking presence sneaks up behind them, but it turns out to be Ainsley Harriott. Ainsley spits out his galactic mercenary ID card, which reveals him to also be a surgeon, and Michael asks him for help. Ainsley begins operating on The King and eventually removes the bullet. The King is saved, but Robaku is following right behind them, so they all have to run away again. They are all cornered at the station's exit, as Robaku has conveniently made dozens upon dozens of clones of the Mike and Harky robots, and they all begin a large-scale fight.

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Meleemario720 (Part 6) Edit

The fight begins and The King starts beating up loads of robot clones, ripping off one's head and throwing it away to be eaten by Ainsley. Ainsley then pulls out a tomato gun and attacks the clones, blowing a few up, and then does a little arse-shaking. Michael, King and Ainsley walk out of the station with their trousers down (or so it's implied), and in the next room they are attacked by even more clones, so Michael starts up a fight with them in Nier:Automata style. Michael jukes and jives around that room, taking out several hordes of them but then Robaku returns once more for the final battle. As they are attacked by lots of gunfire, they are blown back in slow motion and Ainsley passes Michael his tomato gun, which Michael uses to finish Robaku off and end the fight.

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GlitchyS (Part 7) Edit

The King and Michael do a little dance to celebrate their victory. Ainsley opens the door in the back of the room which appears to be to some closet, and they hear some clanking as something shuffles around. A bomb falls right in front of them and sends them flying once again while Michael remarks this here's just gonna keep on happening and happening. They bounce off a spy ship, which sinks, and fall on some train tracks in a more Earth-looking area as a train starts coming towards them.

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FlameFireBlast (Part 8) Edit

Michael immediately gets off the track, but The King is frozen stiff with fear and doesn't move. Michael then finds a 12-sided die on the ground, the Die of Beetus, and summons Wilford Brimley's face with it. Michael asks Brimley for help, and he agrees to it. As the train slows down in front of The King, a diabetic is summoned in front of The King and upon hitting the train, explodes and once again sends all of them flying out of the area. They land on top of a big flying Mario's Head, which is flying towards a 9/11 joke. The King reminds Michael to use the Die of Beetus to get them out of that predicament, and Brimley summons medicine which creates a portal for them to go through. As they're flying through the portal, a milk jug floats towards them, but like the one that started the video, this is the Exploding variety, and they end up getting transported somewhere else.

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PizzaPieOverlord (Part 9) Edit

They are sent over 9000 light years away to Planet Pingas, a Mars-like planet with lots of floating Robotnik heads, and land on the surface alongside the Mario's Head. The King remarks that he doesn't think they're on Earth anymore and Michael somewhat frustratingly agrees even though they obviously hadn't been on Earth since the first part of the video. The King asks Michael if he's wondering why there's a gigantic floating head, and Michael remarks it's really not the weirdest thing they've come across so far, he's just used to it. Michael then activates the Die of Beetus once more so that they can get off the planet, but Brimley lost all his energy and can't help them anymore, so Michael throws the die away. The King wonders where his milk is, and notices Mario's Head about to drink from a jug right next to him. The King then rushes towards him to stop him.

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Rad Stink (Part 10) Edit

The King falls over and can't stop Mario's Head in time, though Mario's Head doesn't drink the milk, just flies away with it. The King grabs onto one of the flying Robotnik heads to chase after Mario's Head, and just barely manages to grab the milk, but then falls down a few feet directly onto Michael who was trying to fix the Die of Beetus. The die then rolls away and falls off a cliff into a river of magma. The King points out at least he got his milk. Michael still needs to find them a way home, so they follow a large flock of Robotnik heads flying down the canyon so that they can follow the die. They use the heads to get down a lava-fall and go across some other little platforming area but ultimately lose track of the die. The King points out some figure that might have it, following it into some testing lab area, and of course it turns out to be a pair of Cthoogles. Michael tries making a Cthoogle impression to fool them for a bit but this doesn't last long. Realizing the lab has been breached, the Cthoogles hit the lab's self destruct button and exit via elevator (though one momentarily gets its secondary tentacle stuck in the door). Trying to figure out a way to escape, the only solution Michael can think of is to use The King's milk to open the elevator door again. The King is heartbroken at the loss of his milk, but follows him in the elevator anyways, as Michael grabs the Die of Beetus once more. The elevator leads into an escape rocket and they take off.

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ChocolateClick (Part 11) Edit

They fly out of Planet Pingas's orbit and Michael suggests they go back home. The King is in a state of milk mourning so only talks to Michael via LED board on his goblet, so Michael finally agrees to get him some milk, and hits a button on the ship's controls to bring them to the ship's designated landing place, the Cthoogle Planet. They pass by a billboard for the Cthoogle Milk Farm and crash land a few feet from said farm, containing rows upon rows of Cthoogles squirting over buckets and saying "Milk" repeatedly.

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DizzyingKaleidoscope (Part 12) Edit

Michael and The King get off the burning wreckage of the ship, and plan to steal one of the buckets from the farm to pour into a jug thing. The King asks how are they going to get back to Earth, and Michael doesn't really know. The King then asks what will happen if someone notices them, and Michael says they'll cross that bridge when they get to it. They enter the farm, and Michael is just about to grab a bucket when The Farmer Cthoogle shows up to stop them, holding a gun. Michael then quickly has to think of a way to get out of the situation, and tries making Cthoogle noises to try and explain what's going on to the farmer. Unfortunately, not knowing the language at all, Michael accidentally insults the farmer's wife, and they have to run away. The farmer chases after them, and Mike and Harky just end up hitting a brick wall. The farmer corners them, and fires his gun at them, creating a dimensional portal behind them. The farmer berates himself for using the wrong gun.

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Jimmy D. (Part 13) Edit

Michael and The King are finally transported back on Earth for the first time in 12 sections, though they fall a fair distance first and Michael notes that he can't feel his legs (though The King reminds him that he doesn't have any). After walking a bit, Michael points out a nearby city, which they go out to find some milk in. Unbeknownst to them though, they have been sent to an alternate reality version of Hyrule, in which milk is illegal and punishable by death, as expressed by a nearby billboard. Michael and The King walk around in the city a bit, and Michael gets an idea, but given how well Michael's last idea went, The King just slaps the lightbulb away from his head and says enough of his ideas. The King then comes up with his own plan to just take a bus back to Hyrule (not knowing they technically are there already) after going to a store to buy some milk, but they are overheard by I.M. Meen, who hits the emergency button on them. We then cut into a security room where a camera is monitoring Mike and Harky, with Michael holding up a jug. Some forces set out to apprehend the two.

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aGuyThatLovesPooping (Part 14) Edit

Kravindish and Mario show up to shoot Michael and The King (even though they don't even have any milk yet). They run away, but walk directly into a billboard. Both are shot dead immediately after, and they wake up in hell. Michael wonders how they will get out, and The King notices an exit door, which they run towards. However, they are stopped by Elmo, holding up a stop sign. Michael and The King try to walk past Elmo, but Elmo just hits them with the sign to actually stop them. The King says they need to come up with an idea to get past the guard, and Michael says they need to distract him somehow.

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Lulu Luvscats (Part 15) Edit

Michael begins their plan to get past the guard by saying it's snowing in here. That makes perfect sense, so The King tells him to come up with a new idea. Michael asks Elmo if he wants an apple, and when that doesn't work, he asks if he wants Michael's fist up his arse. Michael punches Elmo into the air and The King blasts Elmo with his dinner blaster. The two get into the elevator to return them to Earth. After exiting the elevator, they end up in someone's home (and back in their own universe I guess maybe idk lol), and run into the house's owner, who turns out to be [I'm told this is Caddicarus but I'm going to call him Mr. Miluk because that's what I had when I first wrote this article & that's funnier tbh]. Michael asks them where they can find some milk, and after a bit of confusion with Mr. Miluk's pronunciation, Mr. Miluk pours a glass of milk right in front of them and just drinks the entire glass himself. The King gets angry at Mr. Miluk, and Michael tells The King he'll handle this one.

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NPCarlsson (Part 16) Edit

Michael is about to threaten Mr. Miluk but then sees his dog, and Michael is frightened to the point of running away and hiding in a nearby closet. Michael admits to the King that he's got severe cynophobia, and King asks if that means he's afraid of signs. Michael then goes into a flashback explaining his fear of dogs. It was during his fourth birthday party (even though somehow Michael appears to look the same at that young age). He was with his brother, his mum and his dad (who all look identical to him aside from wearing different colored sweaters) and Harrybo's Granddad (who doesn't). Michael got a present for a Nintendo Switch which was definitely around when Michael was 4, but he wanted a Wii. And he also got a great big apple pie. But Harrybo's Granddad gave him a much bigger present, the fiercest animal in the world: Gary The Gobhound. Harrybo's Granddad told him Gary's name is Annette but Michael disagreed. That's when Michael's tummy started doing things, and Michael got to the toilet straightaway. Later, while still in the toilet, Michael heard screaming and mad dog stuff going on outside, and ran out to see what happened.

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NubungiO (Part 17) Edit

Gary the Gobhound had transformed into a terrifying creature called Gary The Gay Furry (which iDubbbz approved of). Gary grabbed Michael with his giant paw, and Michael noticed Gary's bulge. (The King is jacking off at this point in the story, but stops when Michael questions it.) As Michael was about to get raped by Gary, an Amish man showed up with a cow and showers Gary with milk, saving him, and ending Michael's story, though Michael notes that he never got to taste the Amish man's milk. This gives Michael an idea of where he can obtain milk, and he then comes out of the closet (not like that). He and The King leave Mr. Miluk's house and get onto the Battle Bus, which Michael takes into Pennsylvania. After pushing Reggie Fils-Aime out of the bus, they land in a farm in Lancaster, and the farmer (who bears a striking resemblance to the guy who made Part 3 of this video) greets them, introducing himself as Honus Benuel Stolzfus and asking if they'd be interested in some farm-fresh milk. Michael asks how fresh precisely, which Honus confirms by drinking sloppily, and lets them know that he has like 50 barrels of milk over on his farm, taking them there on his buggy. Michael tastes some milk and confirms its freshness, but notes he forgot his wallet, so Honus tells them they'll need to pay another way.

WatermelonScreenshot

Aeromelon (Part 18) Edit

The medium in which the two will be paying Honus appears to be a cooking challenge. The King chops up some vegetables, and Michael takes out some bread and cooks some bacon. They eventually give Honus a McDonald's breakfast sandwich on top of a bed of diced carrots. Honus approves of their meal, and the two are given the milk barrel in return. Michael and The King ride the barrel for a while, but The King reminds them that he has that MSPaint cannon and fires them home. They finally land in London, and Michael notes that it must be the end of their adventure, only for the milk barrel to be stolen by a cyborg cow, which shoots at them and flies away.

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Mighteyes (Part 19) Edit

The King and Mick get flung into the nearby Lidl Didl store (not the same one Michael works at), but The King has an idea, and fills up a shopping cart with loads of Exploding Milk. The King uses the milk to fling the cart up into the sky and get the milk barrel back from the cyborg cow, and attaches two MS Paint cannons to the cart to shoot more exploding milk at it. After some firing back and forth, the cow is defeated and throws the milk barrel back up at them. However, instead of catching the barrel, it knocks Michael out of the sky, and The King has to shoot himself at Michael to save him. Unfortunately, The King's aim is just a little bit off, and the two land in a nearby forest, with Michael fatally injured. After a sappy death scene showing The King burying his fallen friend and marking his gravestone with "Rest In Peas", Michael finds the pun so cringeworthy that he comes back to life solely to berate The King, who seemed to think this was somehow a fitting send-off for a poet. The King finally invites Michael over for tea and they both have a cup together. The King at the very end admits he doesn't actually like tea, and the credits roll.

Music Edit

Intro -

  • Banjo-Tooie - Banjo's Theme

Nintendom64 - 

  • Wario Land 4 - Hall of Hieroglyphs
  • Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time - Destroy!
  • Batman (1966 TV Series) - Intro Theme
  • Wario Land 4 - 40° Below Freezing
  • Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time - Serious Trouble
  • Super Mario RPG - Fight Against a Somewhat Stronger Monster

Mighteyes (1) -

  • Kirby Superstar - Kirby Wins!
  • Samorost 2 - Snekoun 
  • Donkey Kong 64 - Battle Arena 
  • Kirby Superstar - Meta Knight's Theme

DrHotelMario - 

  • Super Mario World - Underground
  • The Floppotron - Thomas the Tank Engine Theme 

256Pi - 

  • BT - Ω
  • Air - Modular Mix
  • Kraftwerk - Trans Europe Express
  • DJ Shadow - Sad & Lonely

ItsaMeRBY - 

  • Undertale - CORE Approach
  • Silent Hill 2 OST- Betrayal
  • Portal OST - 4000 Degrees Kelvin
  • Metal Gear Solid 1 - Main Theme
  • Gorillaz - M1A1 (Intro) (No Dialogue)
  • Metal Gear Solid 2 OST - Yell Dead Cell

Meleemario720 - 

  • NieR Automata - A Beautiful Song (Simone Beauvoir) 

GlitchyS - 

  • Kevin Macleod - Who Likes to Party
  • Call of Duty: Black Ops III Zombies - The Iron Dragon
  • Steven Universe - I Am Lapis Lazuli 

FlameFireBlast - 

  • Undertale - Unnecessary Tension
  • Super Mario 3D World - The Bullet Bill Express 

PizzaPieOverlord - 

  • Super Mario Galaxy - Space Junk Galaxy
  • Super Mario RPG - Victory
  • Miitopia - Space Stage
  • Sonic the Hedgehog 3 - Drowning Theme

Rad Stink - 

  • Timesplitters: Future Perfect - Khallos Express
  • Unreal Tournament 2003 - KR-HELL
  • Timesplitters: Future Perfect - Metal Lab Tileset
  • King Kong (Video Game) - Snooping Around
  • King Kong ( Video Game) - Panic
  • HEALTH - Crimewave
  • Max Payne 3 - Pain
  • Max Payne - Elevator Music 

ChocolateClick - 

  • ChocolateClick - Lunar Pulse 
  • “some shit royalty free dramatic music i found on youtube somewhere” 

DizzyingKaleidoscope - 

  • Kevin Macleod - Scheming Weasel
  • Michael Giacchino - Missile Lock (Incredibles OST)
  • Tycho - Field
  • Alexandre Desplat - Traditional Arrangement: "Moonshine" (The Grand Budapest Hotel OST)
  • Vanilla - Past, Present & Future (Intro)

Jimmy Davis - 

  • The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time - Open Treasure Box
  • The Twilight Zone (1959 TV Series) - Theme Tune
  • The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (Hyrule Symphony Album) - Hyrule Market
  • Super Mario 64 - Endless Stairs
  • Phineas & Ferb - Perry the Platypus’s Theme

aGuyThatLovesPooping -

  • Shantae: Half-Genie Hero - Let’s Go Shopping
  • Knight Terrors - Frantic Rush
  • Doom (2016) - Welcome to Hell
  • Cave Story - Victory
  • Ducktales: Remastered - Quack-a-rooney

Lulu Luvscats - 

  • Kevin MacLeod - Marty Gots A Plan
  • King's Quest VII - Saving Eldritch Pt. VII: Stopping The Volcano 
  • FamilyJules - Undertale Guitar Medley 
  • Kudou Tantei - Tomorrow I'll (Robotnik's Penis Song) (Instrumental)
  • FamilyJules - Undertale Guitar Medley 
  • South Park: The Fractured But Whole - House Theme 
  • The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword - Batreaux's Theme 

NPCarlsson - 

  • LocoRoco - Merure Merure
  • LocoRoco 2 - Movie Track 1
  • The Spongebob Squarepants Movie (PC Game) - Goofy Goobers
  • LocoRoco 2 - Movie Track 10

NubungiO - 

  • Machine Girl - Excruciating Deth (Phase γ)
  • Pink Guy - White is Right
  • Mario Kart 64 - Moo Moo Farm

Aeromelon - 

  • ERB - Gordon Ramsay vs Julia Child
  • Jermaine Jackson - When The Rain Begins To Fall
  • Mario Kart Wii - DS Yoshi Falls

Mighteyes (2) - 

  • Super Mario RPG - Going Shopping in Seaside Town 
  • World of Warcraft - Gunship Battle 
  • World of Warcraft - Invincible 
  • Animal Crossing: The Movie - The Roost 

Credits - 

  • Diddy Kong Racing - Darkmoon Caverns
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